Sunday, August 3, 2008

I'm all Morrissey and shit

Catching up on reading, work, etc. has left me in a social void.

I did go out on Friday night to see a band...I have a crush on the lead singer and would love to make sexy time with her...we'll see. Also saw another girl who I met a couple of months ago and hopefully rekindled a little of what was going on when we first met.

I'm in my head at the moment and just letting things be. Also, my living situation doesn't really allow for privacy right now...once that's squared away, we should be back to dating 3 to 4 nights a stay tuned.

If you dig this blog, send a link to your friends, enemies, ex-lovers, etc. If you're in a similar situation, feel free to get in touch:, and I'll publish your experiences here all anonymous and likesay.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Poutty Cock Block

Tania came out to see me perform last night. She came after my set. I haven't seen her since we sucked face in front of my old place.

She was beautiful. Oh dear god beautiful.

Her friend was with her and she told me a bit of his story with his current girlfriend and I said 'eww', and she agreed.

We left and went to a bar a few blocks away. I was so not in the mood for drinking, but had a gin anyway. Drank half of it. Then her friend, we'll call him Poutty since all he did was pout. I think he wants more than a platonic friendship with Tania and saw me as a threat.

I don't want a platonic friendship with her, I want to ravish her, to kiss all ten of her little piggies, to smell the small of her back, to fall asleep in her arms. Platonic ain't happening.

She said to me, let's grab a cup of coffee and we left Poutty with someone he was talking to. The vibe was weird at that bar anyway.

At the cafe I ordered ice tea and she got a cappuccino. We held hands all the way to the cafe. I loved holding her hand. She kept up those dark, sensuous eyes and I spun. Just holding her hand made it move down there. I didn't let it go.

We sat outside and she smoked and I listened to her. We have different opinions on some things. She's a victim of over education, when they strip the creativity out of you and make things like books, music and films something to discuss and critique, not to create.

Then Poutty came back and pouted and she said, I'm so sorry, I'm such a bad friend. It was his only available night out since his girlfriend was out of town. Another red flag on that relationship since I don't deal well with smothering.

She kissed me good bye, in front of him. I felt the tension, and her lips. He wanted to go home and for her to give him a ride.

Lame. If I was in that situation I would've said, 'no, no, I'll take a cab, you guys relax'.


Back up a few hours and I was talking to the door girl at the bar where I did my show and was chatting her up and it was her last night in town, so I was sensing another one night stand, before the lady leaves, we were connecting, but I turned around and there's Tania.

There might have been sexy time with the fourth person of my whole life and I made sure to hang with Tania, even though it was a bit fucked up and weird.

I'm determined to get her out alone this week. I do have a deadline because I want to take a date to an industry function in September, but it's an important one, so the person I take I'll have had to have a few official dates and have sexual tension released if you know what I mean.

At this point I'm going stag.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Oh My Beloved Tania

Tania finally got in touch with me via email. I was a bit irked at first since it took her so long to get in touch. We talked about moving forward, then she backed off. After a few more email exchanges I assured her there were no expectations and that I really enjoyed our time together, aka, the best make out session of my life, and our intimate conversation about heartbreak, and I would like to take her to dinner.

She’s on my list. I haven’t taken anyone on an official date and there’s an event happening towards the end of September that I want to bring someone special to. But someone better get special quick since I don’t want to take someone I haven’t been on a date yet or slept with yet. I don’t want the sex tension there, I want the lust to be pouring out like Lawrence Welk bubbles…so we can enjoy the event and ravish each other afterwards….I want to know I’ll be ravished.

Dammit, she’s going to be a keeper if this works out and not sure I’m ready for that…but fuck it, let’s do this, let’s have some heartbreak…there’s no fun, or material without heartbreak.

We’re exchanging emails and I smell her hair across the internet.

For those playing along at home, this was the lady who I put a hole in her dress with my smoldering ash. I offered to buy her another dress and I’m praying it wasn’t designer.

She sent me this:

Dammit, she’s so cool. Stringberg? Fuck me. No seriously, fuck me.

Moleskin, revisited

She’s at my friend’s bar up the street and I say her name and she remembers me and says she’ll be right back and she doesn’t come right back.

After hanging with some friends I seek her out and tell her how much I enjoyed our conversation from a few nights ago. She invites me to a photo exhibition she’s having, naked chicks, she likes to photograph erotica. I ask if she’s into the ladies and she says no.

(+10 points)

She’s dressed in a frumpy sweatshirt, not like her rockabilly self from a few nights earlier. I like that. I give her a hug. Lots of punk rock guys showing her attention.

I get home and find more info on her exhibition. She’s in a band in my city. (-25 points). I’m not sexing any band members since I’m in the music scene and girls talk and I don’t need the talkin’ right now, just some lovin’.


She’s in a band I’m familiar with, but have never seen live. Now I know why she knew who I was. But she said she was excited that I interviewed two writers who are her favorite writers….so she reads (+25 points).

Monday, July 21, 2008

She Whipped Out Her Moleskin

i was at the ____ bar and it was one of those moods of not wanting to connect with people...the DJ was kicking out the jams, nick cave, tom waits, holy shit, i wasn't moving from the bar stool and this girl came up to me and said, i want to show you something.

i said okay.

she pulled out a moleskin notepad (+10 points), and showed me my business card (+2 points for keeping it in her moleskin notepad). i couldn't remember who she was, then we started talking about writing and writer's groups and she asked about my novel and we got on the subject of suicide and how we both have been to that dark place, but couldn't ever carry it out b/c too many people would be hurt...and she's had suicides in her life also (+25 points for mutual tragedy).

then she cleaned my glasses for me because she said they were dirty. she was right, and more beautiful when i could see her clearly.

it's amazing how dirty glasses can get, but when i wear them i don't notice because they get progressively dirty.

i know there's an analogy to relationships there.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Cry Misty For Me

cute. skinny. dark black hair.

"are you drinking rum and coke," was my brilliant ice breaker and after that we were talking about music and relationships.

her boyfriend just told her that he had a threesome and she needed to move. she moved to another part of town that she doesn't really like.

her dad has cancer and she's been helping him.

i felt connection. connection to the tragedy. connection to the fucked up way some humans have no compassion for heartbreak, how they'll stick their arms right up the anal cavity and just squeeze the heart until it bursts.

i liked her.

then she said, she doesn't believe in love, she believes we settle.

that's where she lost me. i believe in love. i don't want anyone to settle for me, i want someone to love me like i love them.

after being in a long marriage, i understand marriage involves falling in and out of love with the person and the commitment keeps it together as well as the friendship. but what the hell do i know, i thought things were fine with my ex and me until she started drinking a lot more than usual and her personality completely changed and the next thing i know she's been tappin' other penis.


had dinner alone at a local restaurant. sat next to a girl named janet who was kind of cute and talked her up for a while. i wasn't in the mood to ask her on a date or get her phone number. i only felt like spreading my wings without having expectations in my head.


went to a club and the doorman waved me through. i didn't know him, but he seemed to know me. there was one empty stool and an older man, (older than me), was talking up a young lady (23 i found out later). I sat between them and tried to steer clear of getting in the way, just claim a seat before the night got crowded.

i looked across the bar and it was three people deep. a friend of mine was tending and threw a kettle/tonic to me. free entry, free first drink, free from a relationship that included fundamentalist religion forced down my throat before she got so frustrated she just cheated on me and lied about it. love, love, love christianity as defined by religious zealots. go fuck a kid.

the girl said we met before, and my face memory really sucks and we talked for a while and peter, the older guy, bought us all, her girlfriend, her and me a round of drinks.

turning out to be a great night.

kept hanging with the 23 year old lisa when peter scammed on her friend who said she was lesbian...later turned out she was bi-sexual, so she was just trying to lose him.

he turned out to be a decent guy. we talked a bit and he used to be a junkie and quit heroin years ago. he kept putting hundreds on the bar and walking away when $80 worth of change was sitting there. i pulled him back when he walked away, 'keep an eye on your change', i said and felt protective of him. he lives in the 'hood, so i'll see him again.

i did the, 'let's go outside and smoke' move to lisa, hoping for a kiss, but when we got outside and the girl i have a crush on who is a total train wreck and keeps telling me to shave my 'stache gives me an immediate hug and shows me attention and lisa walks away. a few more people approached me, but i saw the deal break w/ lisa. which is good b/c she's a bit too young for me, cute as hell, but i'll keep seeing her around and would rather not have any weirdness.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Now it's THREE

This week is going to be a rough week emotionally for a variety of reasons I can't explain here.

So, dropping Joanne off at a cab at 5:30am last night was a perfect way to start the week.

Women I've had sex with in all my life now is 3.

We talked after sex. I'm realizing I love kissing so much, almost more than sex. Ravishing mouth rape kissing. Hands on soft parts kissing. Teeth clicking kissing.

Let me back up a bit. At 9pm I'm having a glass of wine at Camille's bar and she keeps refilling my glass. Then I pop down to see a friend's DJ set at a niteclub down the street and it's dead, so I stay for two drinks and pop down to check on one of my favorite bars to see if a there's a decent DJ and more......ladies......

The bar is dead as well, but the DJ plays some great music and the drinks are flowing and I start talking with her. Before I know it we're DJing together.

I can tell she hasn't showered in a day or so and it turns me on.

We dance and a local stoner metal band comes in after they just performed across town, so we get fucked up more and hang around them and keep spinning on the turntables.

Outside, 2:30am and Joanne and I are walking towards her bus stop when we just start kissing. I can't remember who started it, but it was heavy petting kissing on a very busy street, in public view. We find a dark alley and kiss more.

We can't go back to my place because I have relatives in town, but at the end of the night I find out she thought I had a girlfriend or wife at home, but I was serious, relatives, helping me through this rough week, so taking her to my paper thin walled apartment that's barely a one bedroom was out of the question and she still lived with her ex-boyfriend to take advantage of the rent control, so we decided to walk a few blocks to a secluded part of the neighborhood and a bench.

Do you have a condom? she asks.

It's the first time I get to use a condom that I purchased last week for the first time. She had the largest natural breasts I've ever touched and sucked on in my life.

We had sex, and sex again, and sex again. Too much drink in me made me the stay hard king but no go on cuming....yet very close.

Three hours later and we're on a busy street waiting for a cab.

She said we're just friends and I liked that. She's not my type for a relationship, but I really needed some crazy abandon. And she didn't shave down there, so refreshing in a world of hitler mustaches.

We cuddled and talked and I can't wait until I'm living alone in a few weeks so this will be a no brainer, just bring a lady back to my house.

She was bi-sexual and we talked about that and she's been in threesomes and had no clue that she was the third girl I banged. Or maybe she did.

I do feel a little like a man-whore right now. Two one night stands in a month, yet I've only had sex three times in my life.

I know this is going to get old quick and I can't wait until I have a relationship. Someone to take to dinner and cuddle with and take to see bands. Or a couple of rotating relationships until timing and attraction smack me upside the head.

With STD concern, I'm making sure not to bite my cuticles since they seem to end up inside vaginas and having a boo-boo on my finger might leave me open for something that would really suck.

Thanks Joanne for the night on the bench. Thanks for the sex dreams afterwards. Thanks for being my number three.

I know I'll see her around town because we travel in the same music circles. Is there an encore presentation?

Monday, July 14, 2008

We'll Be Back in Two and Two

Elena emailed me back and wants to get together. I didn't scare her off. My hormones jump for joy and I plan our life together in South America, pooping out kids while she sees patients and I work on music.

We plan to meet at the cafe to exchange music on our computers. She wants to share her Latin music and I want to get her up to speed on goth and punk rock. It's our second try to hook up and I make sure to wash myself really good.

She calls me 10 minutes before we're supposed to meet.

"My friend is here and we want to go to the jazz festival across town," she says.

The last thing I dig is festivals during the day because it brings out all the amateur partiers and the chicken on a stick and artwork always sucks and it's not my scene in any way. I want to live under the dark of night.

I tell her I'm not interested and she says she'll give me a call later to hook up for dinner.

At this point I'm frustrated because she didn't even consider the option of keeping our date if I wasn't interested in going to the festival with her.

Later that night she calls around 8pm and says she already ate dinner, but will come watch me eat. I ask if she drinks and we end up at a bar I go to sometimes and it turns out there's a great jazz band playing, so this may work out after all.

We talked and she's staying with her aunt. She had to tell her aunt that she was going to meet someone who would give her computer help and couldn't say she was meeting me for a drink. That was red flag number one since she's 29 and just crashing at her aunt's house for the next month or so. Red flag number two was when she told me her aunt thought she was asleep and she wasn't, but her aunt went through all of her bags and clothes. What did Elena do? She pretended she was still asleep.

I would've told her to get the fuck out of my shit.

Then we talked about punk and how she used to be into the music when she was younger, but she doesn't like to listen to it because she's not really angry anymore. I don't know if she's talking about MTV punk rock or local bands or what.

The sparks, the life with my little half latin half white kid on a beach in South America went kerplunk.

She wanted me to walk her to her car. I'm not sure if she wanted a kiss, then she offered to drive me home, but I had her stop at Camille's bar for a couple of drinks. To soak up my disappointment.

Not that Elena wasn't a sweet girl. 'Chuck, we didn't have a love connection.'